Spells Not Worth Memorizing
A
- Acid Trip
- Affect Abnormal Fires
- Affect Normal Foyers
- Air Breathing (land-dwellers only)
- Airshape (like Stoneshape, but with normal air)
- Airy Air
- Alamir's Freeway Breakdown
- Alamir's Fundamental Theorem
- Algorithm I-III
- Anger God
- Animate Bread
- Anti-Anti-Magic Shell (Pro-Magic Shell?)
- Anti-Magic Eggshell
- Anti-Magic Magic Missle
- Anti-Magic Magic Mouth
- Antipathy Orb
- Audible Hammer (of the M.C. variety)
- Auditable Glamour
- Augmented Chord 1,2,3,4,5,6
B
- Bad Lighting
- Badly Programmed Illusion
- Become Dead (reverse of Resurrect Self)
- Bigby's Assertive Finger
- Bigby's Clenched Teeth
- Bigby's Critically Fumbling Hand
- Bigby's Glove (colors the various Bigby's Hand spells, no bonus)
- Bigby's Groping Hand
- Bigby's Hairy-Palmed Hand
- Bigby's Insulting Hand (the second finger is rather prominent)
- Bigby's Limp-Wristed Hand
- Bigby's Shadow-Animal Making Hands
- Bigby's "Shush"ing Hand
- Black & White Spray
- Blind Self
- Bold Monster
- Bookworm Blast
- Break-Wind Wall
- Break the Wind
- Bubbling Rainstorm
- Burning Hands (Yours, ouch)
C
- Can Trip (And does!)
- Change Elf
- Charm Dead
- Charm Friends
- Charm Groupie
- Charm Potted Plants
- Charm Self
- Charm Undead (X rated version)
- Cheeseball
- Circling the Square (i.e. Times, Trafalger, Tiannemen)
- Clause of the Lawyer
- Clear Audience (usually follows Delayed Blast Flatulence)
- Clone Undead
- Clown
- Color Safe Spray
- Compulsive Disorder
- Cone of Bubbles
- Conjure Emmenthaler
- Contact This Plane
- Continual Bad Lighting
- Continual Right (a political spell)
- Control Casting Time (controls the casting time of this spell only)
- Control Feather
- Copyright Shroud
- Crass Suggestion
- Create Coat Hanger
- Cure Animal Hide
- Cure Light Winds
- Cure Smoked Ham
- Cure STD
- Current Life
- Cylons, 10' Radius
- Cymbal
D
- Dalamar's Whoopee Cushion (things that make you go hmmmm)
- Darkness, 15 micron radius
- Daylight (material components: must be cast outdoors in bright sunlight)
- Deathwish
- Deeppocket Lint
- Delayed Blast Cantrip
- Delayed Blast Flatulence
- Delayed Blast Spitball
- Demand Blindness
- Demi-Shadow Puppets
- Deny Reality
- Detect Crying
- Detect Dead (Yep, he's dead alright...)
- Detect Detect Spells
- Detect Hound
- Detect Lightning Bolts (area: 5')
- Detect Pervert
- Detect Pink Bunny Rabbits
- Detect Self (allows you to see if you are yourself)
- Detect Strikes and Spares
- Detect Tragic (oooh, theres a sad happening over there!)
- Detect Unseen Butler
- Detect Visibility (Yep, I can see that)
- Detect Weevil
- Detect Wind
- Differentiate Without Error (Hey, you never know...)
- Dimension Doorknob
- Dispell Nonmagical Reptiles & Amphibians
- Dispurse Self
- Drain Vaccuum
- Draw Upon Religious Right
- Drawmij's Court Summons
- Drawmij's Instant Cake Mix
- Drawmij's Instant Coffee (components: hot water and cup)
- Drawmij's Instant Death (Drawmij's CON must be about -30 by now...)
E
- Earthly Chorus
- Enchanted Toothpick
- Enlightening Bolt
- Enrage Dragon
- ESPN
- Ethertalk
- Evard's Black Growth (range: 0)
- Evard's Black Testicles
- Evard's Blue Testicles
- Explosive Familiar (it's *your* familiar)
- Explosive Friends
- Extension Cord I, II, and III
- Extinguish Match (casting time: 5 rounds)
F
- Face Grasp
- Fear of Sunmotes
- Feather Brain
- Feather Flail
- Feign Life (as if the caster has one)
- Feign Orgasm
- Find Acquaintance
- Find Floor (somatic component: falling on face)
- Find Hand
- Finger of Near-Fatal Injury
- Finger of Plead
- Fire Alarm
- Fire Rap
- Fire Stick
- Fireball (reversed)
- Fiscal Projection
- Fist of Flesh
- Fleshskin (range: self)
- Fool's Lead
- Foresee Unseen Butler
- Forget Spells (area: self)
- Forehead
- Foreskin
- Fourier's Transformation
- Furball
- Furry Fire
G
- Gaze at Reflection
- Geese
- Get Flu
- Get Life
- Glassteal (swipe that beermug from that unsuspecting peasant)
- Globe of Vulnerability
- Grate
- Graze reflection (if someone hurts your knee)
- Guess Alignment
H
- Hair Extension I, II, III
- Hallucinatory Escape
- Hallucinatory Train
- Hand of Skin
- Hatch Egg (somatic component: sit on egg)
- Heal Monster (only works on opponents during combat)
- Heel
- Hold Bladder
- Hold Mustard
- Hold Self
- Hornung's Gas
- Hornung's Police Dispatcher
- Housefly
- Hug Self
I
- Illusion Debugger (for Badly Programmed Illusions)
- Illusionary Crypt
- Iggy's Invisible Illusion
- Illegal Thoughts (That serving wench looks older than 18)
- Implosive Runes
- Impress Plants
- Improper Suggestion
- Indirection (address register postincrement)
- Indivisibility (The caster is a prime number)
- Insect Plague, 5' Radius
- Integrate (reversible, Differentiate)
- Invisibility to Inanimate Objects
- Invisibility to Dead
- Invisible Talker
- Irritate Self
K
- Kender Summoning I, II, III
- Kitchen Sink
- Knock Knock
- Know Own Alignment
- Know Person (in the biblical sense of the word...)
- Kooshball
L
- Legend Bore
- Legend Lore, Extended Dance Mix
- Leomund's Condemned Shelter
- Leomund's Grass Hut
- Leomund's Mortgaged Shelter
- Leomund's Risky Tax Shelter
- Leomund's Secure Chest Cavity
- Leomund's Sturdy Music Box
- Leomund's Tap
- Leomund's Underfunded Homeless Shelter
- Level Water
- Lightning Blot
- Limited Dish (Sorry sir, the Dover Sole is off)
- Limited Wash
- Locate Right Hand
- Locate Self (tells you where you are, relative to your location)
- Locate Tongue (requires verbal component)
- Locate Wizard (the _nearest_ wizard)
- Lorloveim's Shady Deal
- Lose Familiar (Get lost, ya wee booger!)
- Lower Cholesterol Level
- Lower Inhibitions
M
- Maggot Missle
- Magic Boomeranging Missile
- Magic Gristle
- Magic Jar-Jar
- Magic Missal (A really boring prayersheet)
- Magic Moth
- Magic Orifice
- Magic Shotglass (as opposed to Magic Jar)
- Mail of the Banshee (victim gets letter saying "Waaaaaahh...")
- Maize
- Matrix Addition
- Mauve Earth
- Meld, Canasta Version
- Melf's Acid Bow
- Melf's Acid Trip
- Melf's Minute Rice
- Melodramatic Phantom Defenders
- Memorize Spell
- Meteor Swan
- Micrometeorite Storm
- Mildly Surprising Grasp
- Minor Delousing
- Mistaken Identify
- Mistaken Thought (Gee, guys, it _looked_ like a Gas Spore)
- Moaning Spirit
- Mordenkainen's Agnostic Hound
- Mordenkainen's Aroused Hound (can't get it off of the nearest leg)
- Mordenkainen's Big Ears (+1 to all hearing checks, ear size quadrupled)
- Mordenkainen's Bored Cat
- Mordenkainen's Celery
- Mordenkainen's Conjunction (Conjunction Junction, what's your function?)
- Mordenkainen's Faithful Mosquito
- Mordenkainen's Freeway Junction
- Mordenkainen's Lubrication
- Mordenkainen's Sword, -1 Backbiter
- Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife
- Move Venus
- Muenster Summoning I-VII
- Murder Darkness
- Murdoch's Featherless Fryer (Verbal component: "Butterball")
- Murdock's Feathery Pillow
N
- Nahal's Banana Peel (appears under random ally's foot)
- No Time
- No Vacancy
- Nystul's Undetectible Aura
O
- Otiluke's Happy Fun Sphere
- Otiluke's Resilient Ear
- Otiluke's Room Temperature Sphere
- Otto's Irresistible Disco-Duck
- Otto's Resistable Dance
P
- Paraphrase Magic
- Part Hair
- Pastel Blade of Warm Fuzzies (9th level Drow spell)
- Penultimate Fall
- Phantasmal Fork
- Phantasmal Morse
- Phantasmal Thriller
- Plane XOR
- Polymorph Mother
- Power Word Missing
- Power Word, NO!
- Power Word, Noogie
- Power Word, Puke
- Power Word, Pun
- Power Word, Smirk
- Power Word, Spam
- Power Word, Wedgie
- Protection from Catnips
- Protection from Elvis, 10' Radius
- Protection from Evil Knievel
- Protection from Halitosis
- Protection from Normal Air
- Protection from Normal Missals
- Protection from Normal Oxygen
- Protection from Normal Pillows
- Protection from Self
- Protection from Weevil
- Psychoanalyze Without Error (Zo, ven dit you shtop lofink your mutter?)
- Purge Memory
- Putrefy Offal
R
- Rainbow Enhancer
- Random Casualty
- Rary's Mnemonic Cancer (eats away at those favorite spells)
- Rary's Mnemonic Device (makes silly acronyms out of things)
- Rary's Pneumonic Cough (range: self)
- Read Common
- Rectum of Retention
- Reincarnation Door
- Remove Hand (yours)
- Remove Minus Sign (reversible)
- Remove Nurse ("Good-Byyyeeee Nurse!")
- Remove Reality
- Remove Self
- Remove Strong Language
- Reservation
- Rest Erection
- Resurrect Living
- Resurrect Self (problem: must be alive to cast the spell)
- Reverse Graffiti
- Rice Storm
- Rock Summoning I
S
- Sepia Cake Sigil
- Serten's Smell Immunity
- Sheepskin
- Shocking Gasp (usually follows Tenser's Shocking Suggestion)
- Silence of the Lambs, 15' radius
- Sleep with Dead (yuck... unless you're a real Necromancer)
- SmorgasMorph
- Soap-on-a-Rope Trick
- Solid Frog
- Speak With Boring Monsters
- Speak With Dead Plants
- Speak With Grateful Dead
- Speak With Living (components: two tin cans and a string)
- Speak With Mud
- Speak With Self
- Sucker (for those of you who actually cast the spell)
- Summon Allergy
- Summon Death (Death arrives and kills the caster)
- Summon Self
- Swift Envelope
T
- Tape Mount
- Tasha's Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter
- Tasha's Uncontrollable Bladder
- Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Die Rolls
- Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Flatulence
- Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Gesture
- Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Hand
- Tax Avoidance
- Taunt a Second Time
- Teleport Environment
- Teleport With Lots of Errors
- Teleport Without Destination
- Teleport Without Terror
- Tenser's Double-Sided, Double Density Disk
- Tenser's Floating Point
- Tenser's Formatted Disk
- Tenser's Gloating Disk
- Tenser's Shocking Suggestion (you want to WHAT??!)
- Tenser's Slipped Disk
- Tenser's Deadly Resurrection
- Tensor Transformations
- This Space for Rent (fills up space on a scroll or in a mage's memory)
- Time Start
- Tonguetwister Change
- Tons
- Transmute Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust (priest spell)
- Transmute Friends to Enemies
- Transmute Head to Butt
- Transmute RGB to HSV
- Transmute Rock to Stone (reversible)
- Transmute Rock to Jazz
- Trap the Sole (see Limited Dish)
- Turn Friends Into Enemies
- Turn Pebble (rotation, not banishment)
U
- Undefined Symbol
- Unenlightening Bolt
- Unheard Servant
- Unscented Cloud
- Unseen Manservant
- Unseen Pervert
- Unseen Sympathy
V
- Vampiric Breathing (perfect for harassing phone calls)
- Vampiric Crutch
- Varnish
- Visible Stalker
W
- Walk
- Wall of Dog
- Wall of Horse
- Wall of Non-Dairy Creamer
- Wall of Normal Air
- Wall of Paper
- Wall of Velcro
- Waste
- Wink
- Wizard Eyebrow
- Wizard Lick
- Wizard Nostril
- Wizard Stain
Y
- You Wish!
Z
- ZX-Spectral Force
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